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Save My Marriage: How To Fight Fairly As Couples

By: Cucan Pemo

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Every couple fights. You may have a friend who swears that she and her husband do not fight. Chances are: your friend is lying.

When you live with someone for any length of time, you are bound to argue once in awhile. Arguing is a normal and healthy part of any relationship.

How you argue is what is important to maintaining a healthy, happy relationships.

1) How NOT to Argue

Contrary to popular belief, there is a wrong way to sue. For instance: if you are looking at your spouse and words that you would never call another person are flying out of your mouth, you are probably fighting badly.

You should never call your significant other bad names when you are arguing. It demeans your spouse and yourself.

There are millions of words in the English language; I'm sure you can find something else to say that would not be quite as hurtful to your spouse.

If you start to fight with your spouse about something that happened over twenty-four hours ago, you are causing a bad situation.

You would not discipline your child for something that happened longer than a day ago, why should you be mad at your spouse?

And about the past: forget it. It's fine to learn from the past, but if you bring up an incident that happened weeks, months, or even years ago, you are fighting unfairly.

An issue should be dealt with as soon as possible, not days, weeks or months later.

If your partner is trying to tell you something, you need to listen to them. Everyone hates to be interrupted, and if you interrupt your spouse, they will feel as if you are not listening to them, or do not care what they are saying.

It is hard, sometimes, to not interrupt during an argument, as you may want to refute a point the second you hear it, but do your best to tuck that point away in the back of your mind so that you can discuss it when your spouse has stopped talking.

It is also not fair to call a friend, co-worker or relative, such as a mother-in-law, to get their side or opinion about the subject at hand.

The argument is between the two of you and no one else. If you want to talk to someone about the situation, do so before or after, but remember to not take too much stock in what they may say.

People outside of a situation have a different view of things, and may not know everything that is going on in your relationship.

2) How TO Fight Fair

If you have an issue with your spouse, you need to bring it up as soon as you possibly can.

First, though, make sure it is truly something that needs to be discussed with your significant other. Sometimes our emotions can cause us to overreact to things, and we blow up before we've had time to think about the situation.

Afterwards, we feel ashamed and frustrated that we let ourselves get so worked up over something so minor.

Before you go into a fight, arm yourself with time and knowledge. Make sure that you are battling your loved one for the right reason, and that the transgression was truly great enough to warrant a fight.

3) Let The Small Things Slide

Sometimes you have to let the small things slide, in order to live in peace and harmony.

Once you have decided to discuss the situation with your spouse, you need to figure out a time and place where you can have the argument.

You want to avoid having the argument in front of your friends and family, as it will make them feel uncomfortable. It will also be hard to resist asking your friends and family their opinion about your argument.

Also, you want to avoid arguing in front of your children. It is good for your children to see that even adults disagree, but having a full-blown fight in front of them can scare them.

Some partners actually schedule a time during the day to hash out any disagreements that they may be having. This can be good as it becomes a predictable time for airing out grievances.

Remember: all couples fight. It is a natural result from loving each other and living in close quarters for a long time.

The trick to a long-lasting marriage is to know when, and how, to fight fairly. If you treat your spouse with respect, they will more than likely treat you with respect.
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